Pantification

Astronuts

2009-08-01T13:01:00.004-04:00

Have you ever heard a story that seemed so utterly ridiculous that you wondered how anyone could believe it let alone repeat is as fact? As a card carrying skeptic and cynic the only thing that annoys me more than having my time wasted on senseless drivel, is finding out that on rare occasion the story turns out to be true.

A couple of days ago I heard a story about a guy from my home town in Long Island. It went something like this.

….he wanted to play for the Mets but he didn’t make the cut so he became an astronaut instead. To console the reluctant astronaut the Mets gave him home plate from the now defunct Shea stadium which he then took with him into space.

Yeah, sure, right, whatever you say. I wondered what was next – ‘Damn, not good enough to be a pro bowler; guess its brain surgeon then’. Still, since America’s obsession with sports makes dumb things more the rule than the exception I thought a quick Google search was in order. Needless to say the story turned out to essentially be true.

According to Newsday, Astronaut Michael Massimino, who also holds a PhD in Engineering from MIT, did in fact bring a Mets home plate into space. It also seems that he took a Mets jersey with him on a previous flight but that was just a dry run for main event.

I don’t get, and maybe it’s me. I just don’t think "Getting to take a Mets home plate into space makes all the hard work it took to be an astronaut worth it." ranks up there with “One small step for man. One giant leap for mankind”.

If only that were the end, but it gets worse. He isn’t alone. The article also mentions that astronaut Garrett Reissman brought – wait for it – dirt from the Yankee Stadium pitchers mound into space with him. Dirt! Seriously!

Have we fallen so far that even our astronauts would rather define themselves by a label given to a random assembly of people that play for a living? What wonderful role models, NASA must be so proud.

Saturday AM Rant

2009-06-13T08:22:00.002-04:00

It’s 6AM on Saturday and for the last hour or so I’ve been tossing, turning and resisting the urge to yet again clutter this blog with my political and economic ponderings. Resistance it seems really is futile. The compromise agreement I made with myself is to cut to the chase and condense my usual elaborate rants into a single post. To wit….

To be Frank
The surprise of the week was to find myself in agreement with Rep. Barney Frank on the issue - more like an aspect - of executive compensation. It has been my experience that his assertion that executives are rewarded for taking risks whether or not they pay off is true. He goes on to say that the shareholders should have a say in executive compensation and that where the Taxpayers have taken a stake in institutions he would ensure that that would be the case.

This is where it gets interesting. As a taxpayer, I don’t recall having a say in those investment decisions nor – as I’ve already said this too often – any evidence of or control over them. I’m also very sure that I never granted Mr. Frank power of attorney on my brokerage account or a proxy to speak on my behalf.

So Mr. Frank, I agree that the Taxpayers as stock holders – voluntary or otherwise – should be able to exercise their rights as such. To that end let me once more say – I WANT MY SHARES!

A bridge to nowhere
The last thing I need is another reason to question my memory so please check me out on this.

As I recall the current economic crisis owes primarily to epic amounts of irresponsible lending. Further, those that did the lending knew better or should have known better. I agree, and I also agree with the hoards of posturing politicians that they were at best irresponsible and at worst criminal.

Moving along, I also recall those same posturing politicians bristling at the characterization of the auto bailout as a bailout. No, they vehemently insisted that it wasn’t a bailout but rather that it was a bridge loan to carry them over until they could return to solvency if not profitability. The unthinkable alternative they told us was bankruptcy which would have catastrophic consequences.

And here we are. Money gone – check; bankrupt – check; sky falling – no check. Now the posturing politicians are quick to point out that this is an ‘orderly’ bankruptcy. They are less quick to define what that means or why it could not have been done from the outset.

So my dear posturing politicians if you really believed you were making a bridge loan, you should have known better. If you said it but didn’t believe it then I guess you were – well let’s just say being politicians.

A lesson from Ken Lewis
Ken Lewis was dragged up to Washington to yet again testify about the Merrill Lynch merger. Center to the questioning was the issue of whether Mr. Lewis was coerced by the government to proceed with the deal against his better judgment. It seemed obvious to most that he certainly was. However, when asked if he felt threatened Mr. Lewis seemed to avoid the question by saying that he took the strength and tone of the remarks as evidence of the government’s conviction that the merger was a necessity.

I think what Mr. Lewis was trying to convey is that being threatened and feeling threatened are not the same thing and, however we got here, we are where we are and our focus needs to be on the future. Ken Lewis didn’t want the discussion to be about Ken Lewis but rather about what’s best for the country.

Mr. Lewis’ selfless attitude stands in pretty stark contrast to Stan O’Neal and others that stood tall and proud as they led American icons into extinction. Mr. Lewis reminds us that there is a high road and that humility is a virtue, not a weakness. Well done.

Check human soon

2009-06-12T07:11:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine recently and surprisingly lost his dad to cancer. The surprise part stems from the fact that it was a mere four weeks from diagnosis to his passing. I’m sure that his doctors sang the ageless song about the importance of early detection and lamented what might have been if that had happened.

It doesn’t take much to start me thinking and the conundrum of early detection more than fit the bill. I wondered how early detection actually works. What triggers the detection process when you have no symptoms? Does it go like this – ‘Hey doc I’ve been feeling too good for too long so I thought I better get checked out”. Then I suppose the doc says “Hmmm, feeling fine. I don’t like the sound of that, let’s run some tests”. Not likely is it?

One thing I do know is that once the hammer falls they can predict the cause of your demise with the utmost precision. Whether it’s protein markers, enzyme levels, this, that or the other thing they can isolate it with laser like accuracy. It’s the kind of stuff we’d hope for in early detection, just way too late.

Call me crazy but I think too late is, well, too late. With all the technology at our disposal shouldn’t we have some kind of home diagnostic lab? Better yet, how about some kind of continuous monitoring device that would alert us if something is amiss. If we can do it for cars shouldn’t we be able to do it for people too? It could collect all sorts of medical information but all we’d need is a couple of simple messages like ‘check human soon’ or ‘call 911’.

The Prisoners

2009-03-29T12:54:00.002-04:00

Fair warning – I’m not entirely sure where this one is going but the odds are good that I’ll be indulging my philosophical side. That is not to say that I consider myself a philosopher, nor do I have a burning interest in philosophy. Still, I do enjoy mulling things over and that’s a good thing because mulling is an inescapable part of my nature so, like it or not, mull I must. Maybe mullosopher would be more accurate but philosopher sounds better and my ego is quick to remind me that I’ve gotten more than enough feedback to suggest that my mullings pass the philosophical snicker test of many. Ergo lies the rub.

It’s natural to draw conclusions simply from what is obvious. Why not? It’s efficient and more often than not I’d bet that it’s sufficient too. The trick then is to recognize those situations that warrant a bit more scrutiny. That probably sounds simple and obvious too but I’d suggest that it probably isn’t. We take too much comfort in notions like the 80/20 rule which, in its original context, served only to narrow focus. It’s now applied like peanut butter absent of any context and, if it’s true at all, my guess is that the 20% is wrong 80% of the time. Whatever the numbers, I find more truth in the adage that it’s far easier to be certain than to be right. I suspect that the prisoners would agree.

What prisoners? By now I guess it’s obvious that garden variety thugs are off the table so the real question is, how metaphysical do we want to get? Aren’t the possibilities endless? To one degree or another we are all prisoners of our passions and aspirations as well as our flaws and limitations. Certainly that was more predictable than profound but it is none the less true. Be that as it may, it’s still a bit deeper than I’m willing to go, even on a dreary Sunday morning.

My prisoners are a bit more concrete. In the interest of accuracy, to say nothing of bad puns, I should say marble and not concrete. My prisoners are not mine at all but rather Michelangelo’s. His prisoners are a collection of statues that appear to be works in progress. Collected together they create the impression that Mike was far better at starting things than finishing them but that isn’t the case at all. Where we would see a block of marble Michelangelo saw the statue imprisoned within. He carved and chipped until the prisoner was released and not one chip more.

That’s pretty deep and not at all obvious. I’m not a real museum guy so let’s assume I just walked right past the unfinished sculpture exhibit. If I forever thought that Michelangelo was brilliant but a slacker would I be any better or worse off? Probably not, but I’m glad I didn’t just blow by the exhibit. It turned out to be a fond memory, good story and my favorite reminder that things aren’t always as they appear.

60 Minutes

2009-03-15T15:34:00.002-04:00

It’s 2:32PM on Sunday, March 15, 2009 and I’m giving myself 60 minutes to finish writing this post. To some that may seem like an eternity, to others a heartbeat. I skew toward the former which, as I’ve said before, is the whole point of my blog – I need to practice writing and especially writing quickly.

My biggest problem is that I’m rarely, okay never, entirely satisfied and the notion of settling for good enough just seems like taking the easy way out. Step one is to get to acceptable in less time than it now takes to get to good enough. By now I should be on step 2 or 3 but I never really engaged in step 1 so here I am at status quo.

It’s now 2:45PM. Managing to complete 2 short paragraphs in 13 minutes isn’t a great sign but I’m not overly concerned because I plan to cheat. To be more precise, I already have cheated because I laid out the framework for this post in my insomniac haze last night. If I don’t say so myself, I can be brilliant in my insomniac haze but the cruel reality is that when the haze clears my brainstorms usually evaporate with it. This time I was a little lucky though because I simply organized some ideas that have occurred to me over time. My plan for this post is to write snippets of ideas for subsequent posts. I can then noodle on them a bit and hopefully knock out the posts fairly quickly. Clever, isn’t it? Yes, it is a rhetorical question. In no particular order…

Helen of Troy
As some of my fellow Toastmasters know, a while back I spent some quality treadmill time listening to an audio books version of Homer’s Iliad. Needles to say, or maybe not, endorphins and oxygen deprivation certainly gave me a unique perspective on the tale as evidenced by my contest speech – Life’s a speech, and then you die. Helen didn’t make the cut and is almost parenthetical to the entire saga. That intrigued me a bit so I thought I’d take a closer look at Helen. After all, she’s supposed to be easy on the eyes.

Fairy tales
When I was a child I had a fondness for fairy tales. Not so much the Red Riding Hood an Cinderella type but more like the Brothers Grimm and the more magical and cerebral varieties. Only echoes of them remain now but lately those echoes have been haunting me. Why, I really can’t say but I’ll think about it and get back to you.

Ironies and Paradoxes
I’m fascinated and plagued by both. This one will take some thought though. Some so called paradoxes really aren’t all that tough to solve which of course means they aren’t paradoxes at all. My two favorite non-paradoxes are 1) the chicken and the egg and 2) an irresistible force encountering an immovable object.

Are we doomed?
Or more precisely, is America doomed? Talk about ironies, we’re depending on Communist China to hold the mortgage on the future of our capitalist Republic. As if that isn’t ironic enough, the leaders of the People’s Republic are warning us against run away social spending.

Mental blocks
Like the one I’m having now. Fortunately this one doesn’t matter all that much because my hour is up.

I want my shares - Part II

2009-01-24T13:08:00.003-05:00

In my last post I suggested that the government create a retail brokerage to issue securities to the taxpayers equal to their “investment” in the TARP. Good idea, bad implementation. I’m not sure what I was thinking, or drinking, because I generally believe that the less the government does the better off we are.

Enter the NASDAQ that thoughtfully launched the TARP index on January 5th. The index has an equal weighted representation of all public firms that have received TARP money and options trading against the index will begin on January 26th. I suppose that’s a start because you can at least place a bet on whether your money was truly invested or simply tossed down the throat of John Thain’s $35k commode.

Where this really gets interesting though is that several firms may offer Exchange Traded Funds (ETF) against the index. Hmmmm, interesting notion. It’s not often you get the opportunity to buy something you already own, now is it? How about, gee I dunno, the government picking one or all of these firms to act as their agent to distribute ETF shares to the taxpayers. The true sentiment of America would be reflected in what they do with them.

Not sure what you’d do? To quickly assess where you stand, take a second to consider potential ticker symbols and forget TARP, its just too easy. CNBC’s Mark Haines likes STNKY but I’m a 4 character or less kind of guy and like FAIL but that doesn’t scream buy me, does it?

G-Trade I want my shares!

2008-12-14T18:16:00.001-05:00

It’s a funny thing, I keep hearing from the various Governmental appendages how the Bailouts, Rescue Packages - call them what you will, somehow result in America’s Tax Payers having an Equity Stake in the rescue recipients. It’s an interesting and logical notion, and its convenient too because Tax Payer investment sounds like Capitalism so we avoid the nasty Socialist stigma of Government ownership. It’s a great idea, but I do have one question. Where are my shares?

I may be missing something but whenever I’ve taken an equity stake before I’ve traded money for shares, and those shares evidence my ownership stake. I also get annual reports, proxy statements and a lot of other stuff, much of which is mandated by the Government. So again I ask, where are my shares? Uncle Sam, it's your rules so, like it or not, you should be in the Tax Payer brokerage business and I think G-Trade has a nice ring to it.

The next big question is - who gets how much? That’s actually pretty simple. The shares should be distributed to each Taxpayer in proportion to the 2007 taxes they paid. Just to be clear, my definition of a Taxpayer is a person who actually paid real dollars in Federal Income Tax. You get nothing just for filing a return.

Here’s how it works. Let’s take TARP because it’s a good ticker symbol and we know its initial is $700 billion. According to a 2005 report by the Tax Foundation, 131 million tax returns were filed in 2004 and let’s assume that it’s a good number for 2008 as well. It goes on to state that 42.5 million of those returns resulted in $0 taxes being paid. Just to keep the math simple let’s call it 31 million Zilch payers thus making the number of actual Tax Payers 100 million. Ergo, with all things being equal, each Tax Payer would receive $10 in equity for each billion dollars of Rescue funding. So, the average Tax Payer equity stake in TARP would be $7,000. That's a fair amount of ka-ching and to be completely fair the stakes should be adjusted to mirror actual taxes paid but why split hairs since it’s never going to happen anyway.

Technorati Tags: bailout taxes humor

Enough - Part 3: Resorting to Shakespeare

2008-11-02T21:54:00.001-05:00

I just finished reading a CNN.COM piece regarding what Sen. Obama doesn’t know about the legal resident status of, or lack thereof, of his aunt Zeituni Onyango. Ironically, the candidate and his aunt are really bit players in a story that serves best to illustrate exactly how far off course we are as country.

The article cites an AP report that 4 years ago Ms. Onyango applied for asylum but it was denied and she was ordered to leave the country. She didn’t, and not only continues to live illegally in the US but does so in public housing, which I take to mean our dime.

Now this is where it gets really interesting, maybe even frightening. First we have Immigration and Customs Enforcement weighing in with

"in any case, we prioritize enforcement," said ICE spokeswoman Kelly Nantel. "We target those who pose a national security or public safety threat or who have a criminal background."

Okay, I’ll buy that, even seems logical. But four years is a quite a while and I’m guessing that non-citizens, legal or otherwise, aren’t entitled to public housing so what happened to that red flag? Not to worry, here come the big guns like Rep. Conyers.

“Rep. John Conyers, D-Michigan and chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, asked Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff in a Saturday letter to investigate the leak and its source.”

Say what? Mr. Conyers isn’t concerned that the system seems to be pretty broken, or even the appearance that undue influence may be in play. No, no, no, Mr. Conyers wants a full accounting as to who had the audacity to bring the truth to the light of day. This is what Mr. Conyers views as a risk worthy of mobilizing the forces of Homeland Security over.

I’m sure he means well and has no agenda other than fairness and justice. That’s why he was so disappointed that there is no evidence suggesting the “leak” was politically motivated.

‘“The AP reports that it 'could not establish whether anyone at a political level in the Bush administration or in the McCain campaign had been involved,' a very disturbing [suggestion] indeed," Conyers wrote.’

What I find ‘disturbing’ is a blatantly political rush to judgment by the Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee. Are we serious? And what about the AP? Are they saying that they don’t know who their sources are? And since when are news agencies in such a hurry to divulge their sources?

It doesn’t matter, its all deflection anyway. I'm amazed at what passes for leadership, thought, and news for that matter. We seem to be in a real life Shakespearean tragedy where no day goes by without Washington or the media assaulting us with some new "tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing"

###

Postscript

So what the does this mean to Sen. Obama and his aunt. Pretty simple actually. I'd say grant her some form of legal status and give her enough money to get out of public housing. Redistributing some of her nephew’s wealth seems an appropriate way to accomplish the latter.

Technorati Tags: politics

Enough - Part 2: Dear John

2008-10-15T20:08:00.001-04:00

Dear [forgive the informality] John,

By the time you read this the final debate will be over. Actually, and as always, I'd be stunned if you or anyone else reads this at all but that's beside the point.

In any case, the pundits are viewing this as your last chance for a "Game Changer" and no doubt the volume of advice you've gotten, both solicited and unsolicited, is exceeded only by its contradictions.

While I believe this is anything but a game, allow me to add my voice to the chorus as well as a few simple thoughts. To wit:

Start running for President
I know, I know, that's what you think you have been doing but trust me, you're not. Most of the time you are running against Sen. Obama who actually is running for President. When he is asked what he'd do as President he responds with "When I am President....". And rightly so, since that is the frame for the question. It is not presumptuous to answer a question in the context it is asked.
Aside from that, it seems more like you're running for another Senate term. We get that you are a consensus builder but as President reaching across the aisle in Congress is the work of the next generation of John McCains. As President you need to lead and inspire them as well as to rally the American public behind you.

Ditch the tired sound bites
Take a tip from Al Gore and put Maverick, Surge, Drill Baby Drill, and Earmark in a Lock Box. Nobody wants to hear it and the responses to them are crisp and well rehearsed.

Stop attacking Sen. Obama
Candidates all talk about campaign finance reform but we probably need a campaign code of conduct even more. That's not to say that you can't contrast the differences in your perspectives, policies and proposals, but that requires that those perspectives, policies, and proposals be credibly articulated first. Like Sen. Biden, I haven't heard it. In the best of times I don't think it's appropriate to refer to a candidate for the US Presidency as either naive or reckless let alone both. Doing so on global television during an economic crisis of epic proportions should certainly invite the same characterization.

Last but not least Say Something!
Tell us specifically what you would do and how you intend to do it. I never heard you mention balancing the budget but its in your plan. How are you going to get there? Hint - specifically - not "cutting waste", "spending freeze",or reaching across the aisle. Remember the Lock Box.

The clock is ticking. Good luck.

Technorati Tags: politics,john mccain,barak obama

Enough - Part 1: Do something simple

2008-10-12T10:02:00.001-04:00

Okay, that's it, I'm going political. I didn't want to do it but I just can't take it anymore. While America goes down in flames we have a President that's missing in action, would be successors running business as usual campaigns, and Congressional pundits drafting near trillion dollar boil the ocean solutions to problems that nobody believes they understand.

So let's start there. What, pray tell what, would make any American believe that the government has the capacity to solve anything?

America's Confidence Crisis is well earned so Mr. President and Senators McCain and Obama WAKE UP! You need to demonstrate to the American people that you get it.

Lest I turn into a politician myself, let me suggest a few simple things that likely should have been done before lunch on the day you all decided the economy was important. Will they solve the problem, certainly not, but they may be a good first step in restoring confidence in your desire and ability to do so.

Put a link to the Bailout doc on the us.gov home page
Sorry, I refuse to call it the Rescue Package. Congratulations by the way, we're now worrying about what shade of lipstick to put on the pig. But I digress. I hear a lot about the importance accountability and full disclosure and i couldn't agree more. This gets a little tricky so stay with me here, the operative part of disclosure is, in a word, disclosure. Believe it or not, a great many Americans can read and some even care how you plan to burn, sorry, I meant waste, oops I did it again - of course I meant spend our hard earned tax dollars.

Exempt Unemployment Insurance from Federal Income Tax
Calling this a no-brainer is an understatement and I'd love to hear the rationale for taxing unemployment benefits in the first place. For all the talk about easing the burden on those that can least afford it how can we continue this absurd practice? Ding, ding, ding.... This just in.... Most folks on unemployment ain't doin' so good.

Exempt Severance payments from Federal Income Tax
Simple question, should the Federal Government penalize somebody for losing their job? That's exactly what happens when lump sum severance payments artificially inflate current year earning and, worse yet, push people into higher tax brackets. Ironically, the old income averaging provisions might have balanced things out in the long run but that's one of the few provisions that have been struck from our bloated tax code. Nice going team.

Three ought to do it for now but if you're up to a stretch goal...

US Annual Report
This goes back to the idea of idea of accountability and full disclosure. The US Government requires public corporations to provide, among other things, a detailed annual report to their stock holders and it should do no less for its tax payers. Again, could this be more obvious?

Technorati Tags: politics,humor,bailout

Coffee - Black with milk

2008-08-24T07:54:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time, a cup of coffee was simply a cup of coffee and if you wanted coffee to-go it came from your local diner in small, medium, or large white paper cups with blue stenciled images of the Parthenon. That was it, no blistering array concocted beans and blends, no metaphoric sizing, and no bewildering menu of inventachinos. No cinnamon, froth, foam, or caramel, but you did get your choice of black, regular, light and sweet, and – in theory – any variation in between.

Unfortunately, simplicity isn't always beauty and sometimes things aren't quite what they seem. For instance, it likely seems this is going to be the classic - old guy pining away for the simplicity of the good old days. Far from it. The truth is that today they almost always get my order right but back in the day I that was a rarity. A rarity until I received a tip from my friend's father that not only worked like a charm but also turned out to be one of the best human relations tips of all time.

We both liked our coffee dark with no sugar. Actually we really liked it black but used a little milk as a hedge against any undue bitterness. Now that I think about it I may have misspoken earlier, we did suspect a custom blend that included old socks. In any case, my – dark no sugar – order would consistently and inexplicably get translated into regular or light and sweet. Even more astounding is that many times I'd even receive instantaneous verbal confirmation of the wrong order - “coffee dark no sugar”, “noddaproblem, one regular coffee comin' up”. That, my friends father explained, should have been my tip off.

To some degree we all see what we want to see, hear want to hear, and try to channel things into familiar buckets. The problem with my order was twofold. It wasn't one of the big three options but also wasn't different enough to overcome inertia and the mental equivalent of muscle memory. My buddy's dad figured that out and began ordering his coffee “black with milk”. He almost always got the right result, often preceded by a blank stare, or a “noddaproblem, one – huh, what?”. The contradiction was so blatant and disruptive that it overwhelmed the gravitational pull of the status quo and jump started real life conscious thought.

Ever since then I've been acutely aware, and quietly horrified, at the extent to which people roll down life's highway on intellectual cruise control. I guess that's just the way it is but there is always hope for a better tomorrow and once in a while it seems there's a lesson learned. Case in point, despite it's endless selection of inventachinos, if you order an ordinary cup of coffee from Starbucks or its clones you get it black and are on your own to add the milk and sugar.

What if?

2008-08-08T11:01:00.003-04:00

As we inch toward fall those of us in Toastmasters begin to think about the upcoming Humorous Speech contest. While this is my favorite competition it is indeed the contest of a lesser god. The greater god smiles on the springtime and the International Speech contest. Those speeches are generally inspirational, tragic, sometimes both, but almost never humorous.

One of my favorite speeches from last springs competition was entitled “what if?”. It was a truly inspirational speech that painted vivid and moving pictures of the good that was done because someone had the courage to ask – What if? The speech was compelling and flawlessly delivered but at some point a rather mischievous thought entered my mind. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s the contrarian in me, but all those silver linings sent me in search of a cloud and before long I conjured up a “what if?” of a completely different sort.

I live in the part of New Jersey that’s dominated by Philadelphia rather than New York and when I first moved here from Long Island I was glad to be free of the endless and pointless Yankees/Mets and Giants/Jets debates. Sure there’s the Phillies and the Eagles but more than anything Philadelphia rings of all things Ben Franklin. For me at least this was a quantum leap forward. Franklin was, to name a few, a philosopher, publisher, inventor, patriot, diplomat, and founding father, so it is all the more ironic then that he is likely best remembered for flying a kite in a lightning storm. Which brings us to – What if?

What if the lightening struck Franklin instead of his kite? Would history have been as kind to him? Electricity may not have been understood at the time but effect of lightening on human beings certainly was. Would it be seen as a tragic consequence of a daring experiment or the comeuppance of an eccentric that tempted fate once too often? The larger question though is - would history still be the same? I think it unlikely that Franklin’s charred remains would have been a compelling force for Colonial independence. Without Franklin, would there have been an American Revolution at all? If so, would it have been successful or would we still be spelling color with an extraneous u? Could the fate of the greatest nation the world has ever known rest on the outcome of a simple – What if?

Fortunately events turned out as they did and Franklin’s legacy and honored place in American history are both secure. Thanks Ben.

Pantification - for the record

2008-07-26T12:29:00.001-04:00

It occurred to me that my first post should have been a ceremonial launch of my Blog with all of the pomp, circumstance, and flourishes befitting such a monumental event. I planned to use this post to correct that egregious error but found that I need to do far more. Let me explain.

Step 1 of my remediation plan was to assess the damage. I'd do a Google search on Pantification and humbly digest the terabytes of buzz that my blog had thus far generated. It seems I overestimated, and that was the good news.

My search revealed only 55 hits for Pantification and none were related to my Blog. Almost all of the hits referenced a Scientology drug rehabilitation regimen -The Pantification Pulldown. I was disappointed but undaunted. After all, dependency treatment is a serious issue and while Scientology is not exactly main stream I kept an open mind and decided to dig a bit deeper. Big mistake.

I clicked on this link which led to a post bemoaning the world's ingratitude for Scientology's efforts on its behalf. As evidence, the author includes an article that fully explains the history, application, and success rate of the Pulldown. The regimen utilizes enzymes found in worn panties to purge the ravages of addiction. Wait, it gets better. The delivery method of the treatment corresponds to that of the offending chemical and as the need may be, panties are sucked, snorted, and even distilled then injected. And there you have it.

A bit of a quandary. I'm quite fond of the Pantification moniker as it was coined by a good friend and colleague. It's not only a witty play on my last name but also truly reflects one of the more novel aspects of my personality. Scientology's moniker was equally clever but despite the noble application I do wish they had come up with something else.

In any case, and for the record, the intent of this Blog is for me to practice writing, amuse myself and hopefully others, once in a while say something meaningful, or at least make something meaningless seem meaningful. I'm not sure what category this post falls into but for sure it's the last I'll say on the subject of panties.

Mr. Monk and the first class tribute

2008-07-21T21:40:00.001-04:00

For fans of Monk I really need say no more, but I will anyway. For those that aren't familiar with the escapades of the neurotic Private Detective all you really need to know up front is a) you've been missing an extremely good show, and b) every episode title begins with - Mr. Monk, hence the title of this post.

The title of last Friday's season premiere was 'Mr. Monk buys a house' but more than anything else it was a tribute to the late Stanley Kamel who played Monk's Therapist, confidant, and friend. One of the things that makes Monk so good is the chemistry between its ensemble cast, and Mr. Kamel's portrayal of Dr. Charles Kroger made him a key figure in the show.

I would imagine that deciding what to do when a cast member passes is probably one of the most difficult things a production team can face. Unfortunately, since art need not imitate life and the show must go on, such events too often result terse and sterile transitions or a pro-forma 'In memory of...' dedication as the credits roll.

Not so with Monk. The Monk character is consciously and unconsciously devastated and the entire episode is orchestrated around the tension between his need for therapy and his unwillingness to accept the loss of his friend. Slowly Monk inches toward acceptance of the loss as well as his new therapist. Even then Dr. Kroger is not left behind. A painting from Dr. Kroger's office hangs on the office wall of his successor and in the final scene the camera pans to his framed photo on Monk's fireplace mantle. The dedication is then displayed below.

I'm not sure who deserves the credit, star and executive producer Tony Shalhoub, the writers, USA Network, or hopefully all of the above but they chose to use the death of Dr. Kroger to celebrate the life of Stanley Kamel. The USA Network's slogan is 'Characters Welcomed', they can also lay claim to Character Demonstrated.

Technorati Tags: television

The Green Flash... or not

2008-07-18T09:40:00.001-04:00

I've been fortunate enough to visit 20+ islands in the Caribbean in just about as many years. On every island that has a decent Westward facing beach people congregate at sunset in the hope of witnessing the elusive and mystical Green Flash. The Green Flash is, well, a green flash that occurs just as the Sun drops below the horizon. Or so I've heard, many more times than I'd care to count.

Sadly, over these many years, many islands, and many many sunsets, I have yet to see the Green Flash and have begun to wonder if those that do are either nuts or just marveling at the Emperor's new clothes [for the Fairy Tale deprived - lying]. I suppose at some point I may have to consider that the fault may somehow lie with me but that is certainly a last resort.

In any case, our last trip took us to Salt Cay in the Turks and Caicos Islands which turned out to be the perfect place to put the Green Flash to the test. My venue of choice was Coral Reef restaurant and my scientifically selected focus group consisted of the random cross section of tourists, locals, expatriate business owners that happened to show up that evening. I set up shop on a cozy sea side table. We ordered dinner and I set my trusty Canon A610 to video mode and perched it on the rail facing due West over the beach.

Yes, it was now just a matter of time. Would the video capture the elusive Green Flash and bare out the oohs and ahhs of the focus group while I scratched my bald spot in confusion? Would there even be a Green Flash to ooh and ahh about? The suspense was killing me but soon my wait was over.

Shortly after I hit the record button it occurred to me that the Flash may be a result of staring at the Sun, and as such would not be visible on the video even if it occurred. But then who knows. One ex-pat explained it this way: Yellow Sun, Blue sky/sea; Yellow + Blue = Green. I hoped he was right because that the video would capture. But then, again, who know. Certainly not me. All I know is that, like so many times before, I heard the oohs and ahhs but didn't see a flash. I didn't see it live and haven't seen it in any reruns. Maybe you'll have better luck than me. Either way it's a nice sunset.

Enjoy